During her funeral, when it was time, I stood before the packed Church and began...
On behalf of my brother Johnny and myself I would like to start by saying ”Thank you for coming to this celebration of the life of my Mom Diane Carhart“ for that is what this is, a celebration to the fact that we were able to know my Mom. We know our Mother would be overwhelmed and a bit embarrassed by the outpouring of sympathy and love that has surrounded our family these last few days, but we also know that having all of you here with us today would have made her very happy and we know she is watching us right now.
Well, what can we say about our Mom…Both my brother and I think everyone here has a story of how she has touched their heart. You have heard of or experienced her generosity and friendship so instead of listing all her accomplishments we thought that I would read a few parts of an autobiography my mother wrote in 1987. So here in her own words, I will speak for my Mom…….
My Autobiography by Diane Carhart
I was born in New Bedford, Massachusetts on October 28, 1943. My parents were and still are a loving, caring couple. I grew up in a large 5 bedroom house in Newtonville, a suburb of Boston, Mass. My father was a college art professor and my mother was a housewife. In the summertime, during school vacation we would go to my grandparents home in Pocasset on Cape Cod. Up until I was 13 years old I only had 1 brother, Philip Hamiln Kelsey, Jr. - he was 3 years younger then I was.
My parents were pretty strict with my brother and I but never spanked or hit us. They believed in talking with us about a problem so that we would understand what we had done wrong and what our punishment would be. Discipline and punishment were a shared responsibility. They talked it over and decided together on the course of punishment, such as room restriction, no TV or no phone.
On a daily basis I was closest with my mother. She was always there to answer my questions and just talk. If I had a real problem or something bad happened I wanted my dad to be there. Fathers are supposed to be able to fix anything. I want to be like my parents in many ways - understanding, caring and able to talk about anything. As a parent I also would be fairly strict because one of the main jobs you do as a parent is teach responsibility.
I always enjoyed elementary school - art, music and science were my favorite subjects. At this time I also enjoyed taking dance lessons. When I was 12 years old we moved to Dartmouth, Mass. I was the new kid in school. I found this a very difficult time. We moved again the next year so I went to the 9th grade in Mattapoisett, Mass. We remained in that area until I finished High School. Those years were kind of trying because at the end of the 9th grade I fell off a horse and was seriously injured. It took time but I was soon back to normal. It was at this time that my parents has another baby boy, Robert Allen Kelsey. My third brother, Gregory Ellis Kelsey was born when I was 22 and already had two children of my own.
During my school years from 9th grade through high school my favorite subjects were art, science, English and history. While in high school (Fairhaven High) I belonged to the art club, the theater club and was also a member of the junior volunteers at the local hospital. I was President of those volunteers. I was baptized an Episcopalian and attended Sunday School and church while was growing up.
During my teenage years I was a happy teenager. My family and friends were reasons to be very happy. Dating did pose a slight problem as my parents did not want me getting serious about any boy while I was so young. It was during my last year in high school that I met my first husband, Dr. John Thomas Everett. We were married 1 year after graduation from high school. I helped him obtain 3 college degrees. During our marriage we moved several times due to his work. - Massachusetts 2 times, Florida 2 times, California once (2 locations), and Virginia 3 times. We had three children - Susan, John Philip (who died of SIDS at 8 months of age) and John Edward Philip. That marriage lasted 18 years.
I met my present husband in 1983 at a party after sailing. I really don’t know what attracted me to him at first. He was very articulate, knowledgeable and friendly. He had a very straight forward, honest approach. He was older than I and was caring and easy to talk to. We decided to marry after going together for two years. A change in his job required that he move to Maryland. He commuted between Maryland and Massachusetts for months. Mon - Fri in Maryland, Sat and Sun in Mass. We decided that because of our love for each other and wanting to be together every day it was time to get married. We has a small wedding of family and friends in Newport, RI on December 28, 1985. We have taken the time to talk and listen to each other. There will be no problem that we cannot solve. Our marriage is based on friendship, respect, mutual admiration and love. Since our honeymoon period our relationship has become stronger because we take time to listen to each other.
My husband and I share many interests - children, boating and the water (we have a power boat), travel and our home and pets. I am also interested in the foster care program in Maryland, I am on the Anne Arundel County Foster Care Review Board. This was an appointment by the Governor of Maryland. My husband owns a drywall business and of course is interested in many business projects and attends associated Builders and Contractors meetings. The strengths I bring to our marriage are sensitivity, patience, understanding and love. The only area of disagreement that I can think of is that I am more private about my inner thoughts while my husband is more outgoing.
Between us we have 6 children - 4 girls and 2 boys. I have 1 girl, Susan who lives in Massachusetts. She is a tall dark haired woman. She will be getting married in 1989. She is a friendly outgoing individual. My son John lives in Massachusetts and is a mechanic/carpenter for a boat company. He loves automobiles and repairing them. My husband Lloyd has 3 daughters - Patricia is a college graduate who is interested in acting and the theater. She resides in Massachusetts. Laura is soon to graduate with a degree is Sociology. Virginia who is entering college next fall along with Laura are also residents of Mass. Lloyd also has 1 boy, Robert. Who lives in Arnold, Maryland and is an apprentice for a heating and air conditioning company in Annapolis.
In 1985 I went back to school (business school). I never had the chance to go to college before that time. I graduated with a 3.9 average. I then became the Catering and Banquet Secretary at the Holiday Inn in Annapolis. My outside interests are being a member of the Foster Care Review Board and taking boating courses. In the past I’ve taken and completed courses in C.P.R., basic first aid, and passed the test to become and Emergency Medical Technician (E.M.T.). My husband and I have taken courses given by the Coast Guard on boating safety. Our recreational pursuits are boating, learning about the area we live in and travel.
There have been many strong influences in my life. The main ones being my parents and famly, religion and my husband Lloyd. My greatest personal achievement was going back to school at age 42 and doing so well academically. My greatest disappointments were the breakup of my first marriage and of course the death of my son was my biggest disappointment - his life was so short.
I personally face all difficulties head on, talking, caring and looking ahead to a tomorrow that will be a little brighter for everyone. I have learned that I can face just about anything and I have a wonderful husband to share life with. My current goals are to better myself daily, help others and grow in my marriage.
My life has had its up and downs but I wouldn’t change a moment of it. It has made me a more secure and understanding person. Religion has been and is very important to me, although I don’t believe you have to go to church every week to be a good person.
In the years that followed 1987 my mother and Lloyd eventually moved to their house in Forestdale. I was working at Plimoth Plantation at the time and she frequently came to visit. One day I mentioned that she might as well get a job there since she was spending so much time visiting and within a week she surprised me when I saw her in the gift shop working at her new job! She just loved surprising people. She also loved her job at the Plantation, and even loved the days when busloads of school children would descend on the children’s gift shop, even though they can be very tiring. A story that I have told a few of you again comes to mind; My Mom used to have a jar that she would put her change into. Younger children would come into the gift shop at the end of their field trip to the Plantation and carefully count out their wadded up dollars and spare change to the penny in order to purchase a post card, toy, or souvenir. Because they were younger sometimes they would forget that tax is added to the total. My mother would pay the tax for them from her change jar so that they wouldn’t be disappointed.
This past summer I was diagnosed with a Meningioma, a benign but growing brain tumor, behind my left eye. My Mother rearranged her work schedule and sacrificed a lot in order to take me to the round of Drs appointments in Boston that followed. There were several times during the last 6 months when I wondered why I had that stupid tumor. Well I now know “why”. Having that tumor and resulting surgery allowed me, my Mother, and my Grandmother to spend about 6 weeks together since I stayed at my Mom’s house after being released from the hospital. My Grandmother stayed also so that I wouldn’t be alone when my Mom went back to work. We would spend just about each morning the same way, going to Dunkin Donuts and then bringing our donuts and coffee down to the Canal in Sandwich to watch the boats, birds, and people. We also drove around the Cape to places where she had grown up or we had lived. If not for that stupid brain tumor I would not have had those wonderful memories, so maybe it wasn’t so stupid after all.
My brother Johnny, sister-in-law Jen and nephews Steven and Sean were also fortunate to be able to spend some special time with our Mom recently. Not only were they able to travel back to Massachusetts from their home in Arizona for Christmas, two weeks ago Mom flew west and spent a week with Johnny and his family. My brother had just injured his hand at work and because of that he was able to spend even more time with her then he would have since he was out of work due to the injury. My Mom was so happy to show us the photos from her trip when we gathered for my Grandmother’s 87th birthday party the day before this tragedy. We were all blessed to have wonderful memories with my Mom, especially since they are so fresh in our minds. Hug those around you each and every day. Never neglect to show and tell them of your love. Each day is a precious gift.
While trying to make sense of this tragedy my step-sister Pat, Lloyd’s daughter, seemed to sum it all up and I hope she isn’t embarrassed that I am borrowing her words. Simply put, “my Stepfather Lloyd, who passed away just a year ago couldn’t stand to be without Diane”.
Three days ago I received a letter from one of my best childhood friends, John Aston. His parents, Chuck and Cindy Aston and sister Kirsten were good friends with my parents and brother Johnny. Once a month or so our two families would get together at alternating houses for the weekend. At the close of John’s letter he wrote something that we would like to borrow as we feel it is very fitting for all of us here to remember. “All of us, your mother, you, possibly even me, have touched the people around us. Though often in ways we don’t even know. We are all memorable and will be around forever“, in the hearts of family and friends.
Thank you
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